Heian-period romance is often imagined as a world of exchanged waka poems, moonlit visits, and refined courtly love.
But if we strip the process down to its structure and put it into modern terms, it starts to look very different.
Maybe this was, in a sense, a tanka spam match.
The phrase “tanka spam match” here is not the historical name of a system, nor does it mean that people simply blasted out waka poems in bulk. It is a modern dating-service metaphor for a sequence in which someone hears about another person, sends words to them, waits for a reply, and gradually moves the relationship forward.
In Heian aristocratic society, exchanging waka and letters was itself a setting in which people could display education and consideration for the recipient.
Even so, the process on the man’s side can look surprisingly close to “sales outreach.”
He hears rumors about a beautiful or accomplished woman. He looks into her family background and reputation. He sends waka poems or love letters. If she sends a reply poem, the relationship can move forward. If the exchange continues, he may eventually begin visiting her residence at night.
In modern terms, it might look like this:
- Rumor: an entry point for learning about the other person
- Waka or love letters: messages sent directly to one person
- Reply poem: a sign that the exchange will continue
- The woman’s residence: the place where they actually meet
- Three days of visits: a marriage milestone involving the family as well
Heian aristocratic marriages are often described as taking forms in which a husband visited his wife or moved into her household. On the third night after he began visiting, the wife’s relatives could hold a ritual called tokoro-arawashi (露顕) to host him, and in some cases the husband was served mikkayo no mochi (三日夜餅), rice cakes prepared by the wife’s household.
In other words, even if things began with exchanges of waka and love letters, once the man actually started visiting, the relationship could move into a stage of marriage that involved the families too.
Become interested → send words → wait for a reply → visit at night → move into a marriage stage involving the family.
Seen this way, Heian aristocratic romance was less like unrestricted romantic freedom between two people and more like a relationship unfolding within a social structure that carefully defined who could be involved and how far.
That does not mean it worked like a modern dating service that mechanically lines up candidates and sends the same message to everyone. Heian waka and love letters had to be worded for the particular recipient.
So “spam” is not the name of a historical institution. It is only a metaphor for helping modern readers grasp the flow of hearing rumors, sending words, and waiting for a response.
Carelessly reusing the same text for different people would make it difficult to demonstrate either consideration for the recipient or one’s own education.
So, more precisely, perhaps it was less “tanka spam” and more high-quality tanka-style outreach.
Behind the elegant waka were family rank, reputation, politics, pregnancy, and the circumstances of the woman’s household. Heian aristocratic romance was influenced by family concerns far more than modern readers may imagine.
To use this article’s metaphor, waka was not only poetry. It could also have the character of an application document through which education and consideration were judged.
And romance was not only a relationship between two individuals. It was also a process of building a relationship between two families.
