Search keywords
- I don't want to go to the company event
- I don't want to go to the work drinking party
- Coworkers ask me for rides home after drinking parties
- Company event is "optional" but hard to turn down
- Mandatory company events are exhausting
- Treated like the office errand-runner
- How to say no to giving rides after a drinking party
- How to say no to company events
- I don't want to give up my day off for a company event
- Boundary between private life and work
Intro: Maybe you don't hate company events. Maybe you hate being treated as the office errand-runner.
Lots of people dislike company events and work drinking parties.
But the reason may not be simply "I don't like socializing" or "I don't want to talk to people from work."
What really wears you down is that these events quietly turn into a burden that is neither work nor your private life.
For example:
- You're about to be asked to drive people home after a drinking party
- Anyone with a car gets treated like a free taxi
- Somebody has to claim a spot for the event at the crack of dawn
- Cheering and showing up get framed as "pitching in together"
- Saying no seems likely to sour the mood
- It's supposedly optional, but it feels like the people who skip are in the wrong
- It isn't work, yet you end up with work-like responsibility
At that point it's not just a company event anymore.
It's fake private time that's really unpaid work. (In Japanese it's sometimes called "private-disguised work.")
If it's work, then give us working hours, a person in charge, a clear chain of instructions, pay, and some attention to safety. If it's private, then make it truly optional, so that saying no is no big deal.
But in reality, what you get is this vague middle zone, full of lines like:
It's not work, but help us out. It's optional, but you're coming, right? It's your own time, but do something for the company. Since you're going that way, give me a ride.
That vagueness is what drains people.
The bottom line: it's not the event that's exhausting, it's a burden that's neither work nor optional
The reason company events and drinking parties wear you out isn't the event itself.
Here's the real issue:
Work responsibility and private goodwill get mixed together, whenever it's convenient for someone else.
Work should be treated as work. Optional things should be treated as optional.
But at company events and drinking parties, that line melts away.
Normally you hear things like:
It's work. It's the organization. It's the rules. Take responsibility.
Then, once it's a company event or a drinking party, the tone suddenly changes:
Let's all pitch in! Since we're here anyway... You can make it, right? Give me a lift on your way. Can you save us a spot? Come and cheer, at least.
That's what's so draining.
If you're going to demand work-level responsibility, treat it as work. If you're going to call it an optional event, there has to be freedom to say no.
Instead, in this in-between state, people use up your day off, your car, your time, and your energy. That's "fake private time that's really unpaid work."
"Responsibility" for something that was only ever an event
What's annoying about company events is that when something goes wrong, they suddenly get treated as a "question of responsibility."
Say someone can no longer take part in an event, and they:
- Pay the participation fee
- Find a replacement
- Get the replacement's okay
- Do the paperwork before the change deadline
- Explain whatever needs explaining
Suppose they've done all of that.
Then that person has done quite a lot.
And yet, on the day itself or the day before, they hear:
What's going on? Didn't you hand things over properly? This is a problem for us, you know. You need to take responsibility.
That feels off.
Because this was never work in the first place. It's an event.
Of course, it's important not to cause trouble for others. Skipping without telling anyone and leaving everything hanging isn't okay.
But if you've paid the fee, offered an alternative, handled the paperwork, and explained, you've done more than the bare minimum.
If you're asking for more than that and calling it "responsibility," it's no longer an event. It's work.
If it's work, provide working hours, a person in charge, a chain of instructions, pay, and proper management by the company. If it's an event, you shouldn't be pushing that much onto one individual.
It wears the face of an event, but demands work-level responsibility once things get inconvenient.
That's what's exhausting.
Don't dump the day-of cleanup on someone who already did their part
When there's trouble with a company event, what matters is separating who is responsible for what.
For instance, what the person who can't attend should do is:
- Tell people early
- Decide what to do about the participation fee
- Find a replacement
- Do the paperwork within the change deadline, if there is one
- Explain what needs explaining
That's about it.
If they've done all of this, they're mostly in the clear.
On the other hand, if the replacement, who agreed to step in, gets shaky the day before, that's a separate issue.
The person who can't attend doesn't have to carry the replacement's feelings on the day, the phone calls, the chaos at the venue, or the other person's work schedule forever.
If you mix these up, you end up hearing things like:
It's your fault the replacement is wobbling. It's your fault we're in a bind today. It's your fault nobody can reach you. It's your fault the event isn't running smoothly.
Piece by piece, everything gets pushed onto you.
But that's not responsibility. That's having the day-of cleanup dumped on you.
Someone who did what they were supposed to do shouldn't also be handed the entire event on the day.
Rides after drinking parties easily turn you into a free taxi
At company events and drinking parties, what's especially draining is the driving.
You own a car. You don't drink. You find it hard to refuse. You live nearby. You can't just brush people off when they ask.
People like that easily end up as free taxis at drinking parties.
Give me a lift on your way, would you? Can you drive me home? Take that person too, please. You're not drinking, so it's fine, right? It's close to you, so no big deal, right?
That "on your way" is the dangerous part.
Giving rides costs time, effort, gas money, accident risk, and responsibility. And after a drinking party, the passenger may well be drunk.
This isn't just a small favor anymore. It's a pretty heavy role.
Yet it gets requested casually with "while you're at it," "you'd really help us out," and "it's for everyone."
That's how someone becomes the office errand-runner.
If it's work, it should be treated as work. If it's private, you should be free to say no.
Using only the goodwill of people who find it hard to refuse, in that in-between state, is very unfair.
Claiming a spot, cheering, and filling headcount: separate the people who want to from the people who got dragged in
At company events, things like cheering and claiming a spot often come up.
Some people go at dawn to hold a spot. Some people go to cheer. Some people are really looking forward to the event.
None of that is bad in itself.
If they want to do it, that's their choice.
The problem is demanding the same enthusiasm from everyone.
People who want to take part. People who love events. People who want to cheer. People who want to claim a spot.
Those people can run on their own enthusiasm.
But it's not okay to count people in without asking, or to drag in people who don't actually want to be there, and expect the same energy from them.
Everyone's going, you know? Why not at least come and cheer? Some people are even holding a spot, you know? Isn't it normal to take part?
That kind of atmosphere is really hard to deal with.
People who join an event on their own initiative and people who were signed up without asking start from completely different places.
Mix them together, and the company event turns into a half-baked sports day with holes in it everywhere.
Your day off and your nerves are worth more than a 1,000 yen fee
Sometimes the participation fee for a company event is small.
Say, 1,000 yen.
Looking at the amount alone, it's not much.
But what you stand to lose isn't just 1,000 yen.
- Your time off
- Your morning sleep
- Travel time
- Your energy on the day
- Your mood the day before
- Stress from workplace relationships
- Replying on LINE (Japan's most common messaging app)
- Answering phone calls on the day
- The unpleasant feeling of being treated like an errand-runner
All of that gets piled on.
So in some cases, paying the 1,000 yen and bowing out is the cheaper option.
That's not "throwing money away."
It's buying a boundary.
If you look only at the fact that you didn't go, it may look a bit like you're in the wrong. But if you paid the fee, lined up a replacement, and did the paperwork, you've handled it pretty cleanly.
It doesn't have to be a perfect score.
You don't have to donate your sleep, your day off, and your nerves to a half-baked sports day.
How company events end up exhausting
Usually it goes something like this:
- The company or workplace plans an event
- On paper, it's optional
- In practice, headcount, atmosphere, and cooperation are expected
- It feels like the people who skip are in the wrong
- Rides, claiming a spot, and coordination fall to a few people
- When trouble hits, it gets talked about as "responsibility"
- But there's no work-style management and no pay
- In the end, the people who can't say no, the kind ones, and the handy ones get worn down
This isn't just a matter of personal likes and dislikes.
It's a design problem.
If you're not treating it as work, don't demand too much responsibility. If you're treating it as optional, make it okay to decline. If you're asking for cooperation, make clear who does what and how far it goes.
Run things on "let's all pitch in" without that design, and the goodwill in your workplace gets used up.
The basic approach to saying no
When you turn down a company event or drinking party, the key is not to over-explain.
Over-explaining hands the other person material to argue with.
For example, if you say:
I've got plans that day I have to get up early I've been tired lately I can't drive either I'm not feeling great, either
you might get replies like:
Just for a little while, then You can come late Then just do the rides Or just show your face
So keeping it short is fine as a rule.
Declining to attend
I have plans, so I won't be joining. Please send anything I need to know through the company chat.
Declining to give rides
Sorry, I can't give rides. From now on, please arrange your own way home.
Declining a request that feels like work
I can't help with this as a private matter. If it's needed for work, please go through official company channels.
Avoiding phone calls
Please send it as a message instead of calling.
That's enough.
You don't need to explain your reasons in detail. You don't need to fully convince the other person.
A boundary isn't something you draw after the other person has agreed to it.
Checklist: is it really an optional event?
If several of these apply, that company event may be a burden wearing an "optional" label.
- Saying no makes the mood worse
- People who don't go get blamed
- It eats into your day off or early morning
- You're asked for rides or to claim a spot
- There's a burden beyond the participation fee
- It might affect how coworkers see you
- You're held responsible even though it isn't work
- Things are arranged on personal LINE, not through official company channels
- Nobody's clearly in charge
- Only when there's trouble does someone say "do it properly"
The more of these that fit, the closer it gets to fake private time that's really unpaid work, not just an event.
Summary: If it's work, do it through the company. If it's optional, let people say no.
Company events and drinking parties may not be exhausting just because you dislike the events themselves.
What's exhausting is the vague burden that's neither work nor optional.
If it's work, provide working hours, a person in charge, a chain of instructions, pay, and attention to safety. If it's optional, make it okay to decline.
Please pick one or the other.
When people are stuck in between, hearing:
It's not work, but help out. It's optional, but come. It's private, but drive people. It's an event, but take responsibility.
they get worn out.
This is not an event. It's fake private time that's really unpaid work.
People who want to take part can take part. People who want to cheer can cheer. People who want to claim a spot can claim one.
But there's no need to drag in the people who were counted in without asking, or the people who tend to get treated as errand-runners.
What a company event needs isn't enthusiasm. It's boundaries.
If it's work, do it through the company. If it's optional, let people say no.
That's the basic rule.
