Does accepting a free meal from someone older mean you owe the next generation dinner? No. Treating people can be generous, but friendship doesn't need a permanent tab attached to seniority.
Two stories made that especially clear to me: a university student bold enough to invite a former teacher on an outing, and the magnificent financial legacy a senior once tried to pass down to me.
1. Inviting your former teacher out is a social superpower
Someone I heard about was still in university and had invited a former teacher to hang out. They had only recently obtained a driver's license and apparently planned to drive, too.
That's a formidable level of confidence. Inviting a former teacher is already one leap; offering to handle the drive is another. The social accelerator and the car accelerator were being pressed at the same time.
For the record, confidence is no substitute for driving experience. New drivers should choose a safe, manageable journey, or another way to get there.
Still, the invitation itself impressed me. A teacher can remain “the teacher” in your mind long after the classroom disappears. This person had simply crossed that invisible line and said, essentially, “Want to go?”
2. The trick that helped me talk to older people
I used to find that much harder. Then I experienced the other side of the age difference.
When younger people talked to me, I didn't necessarily want ceremonial politeness. I often preferred them to relax, speak normally and stop apologizing for occupying the conversation. So I wondered: maybe some older people feel the same way about me.
I deliberately tried talking more naturally. It took effort at first. Over time it became easier.
Respect and excessive deference are different things. Some people prefer a formal distance, of course; you can read the room without assuming every older person wants a bow and a speech.
3. The senior's wonderful speech—and what actually happened
One day, a senior paid for my meal and said:
“Don't pay me back. Instead, treat someone junior to you someday.”
Beautiful. Don't return the favor to its source; send it onward. A little relay race of kindness.
“Thank you!” I replied sincerely.
Unfortunately, the relay team had a staffing problem. I rarely go drinking with juniors. And when I do, we usually split the bill. It's not that I never cover something small; modest treats go both ways and things tend to balance out over time.
My senior handed me the baton. I accepted it gratefully. Then I placed it in long-term storage.
4. Earning more money doesn't automatically make you the drinks sponsor
I might even earn more now than that senior earned back then. I'm still reluctant to go out when paying for everyone is assumed. You may call that stingy. I sometimes do.
But I go out to enjoy someone's company, not to sign up for a recurring hospitality subscription.
Other friendships work differently. Someone may happily treat a younger colleague, pay extra because they can afford it, or celebrate a milestone. Great—when everyone is comfortable with the arrangement. A relaxed split bill is just as legitimate.
Paying kindness forward has been studied experimentally: receiving a gift can make someone more likely to give to a third person. That describes one pattern of behavior, not an enforceable dinner debt.
I learned to talk across age differences without standing on ceremony. I can appreciate a senior's generosity without adopting an automatic “senior pays” rule.
The ideal was a beautiful chain of generosity. The accounting department, however, remains proudly independent.
Reference: Amanda Chuan and Hanzhe Zhang, “Pay it forward: Theory and experiment,” Games and Economic Behavior (2025). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.geb.2025.07.002
