A thinks, “They probably don’t watch anime. I won’t bring it up.”
B thinks, “They never mention anime. They probably don’t watch it.”
Imagine that both of them do. They already have something in common; neither has shown it. The app is installed. The icon is just hidden from the home screen.
“Watching any anime lately?” can unlock a secret level that was there all along. A 2021 survey archived by SSJDA looks at how fans discuss anime, manga and gaming with friends, family and other people.[1]
But what if you really know nothing about the other person’s hobby? That need not end the conversation. It can give you somewhere to start.
Conversation adds to what you know
Knowing a little about films, travel, music, manga and sport gives you more chances to say, “I like that too.” Researchers have studied how cultural tastes connect with personal relationships.[2][3]
But treating your topics as equipment that never improves is a strange way to look at people. Ask about something unfamiliar and someone can explain it. Remember a little, and you have something to bring to your next conversation. Knowing more helps you talk; talking also helps you know more.
Watching anime and calling yourself an otaku are different
In its 2026 survey of people aged 15–69 in Japan, LINE Research reported that 43% watched anime at least 1 day a week, 56% at least 1 day a month, and 20% never watched it.[4] Yano’s 2025 survey estimated roughly 5.49 million “anime otaku.”[5]
The definitions and methods differ, so these numbers cannot be compared directly. Watching something is different from identifying, or being identified, as a devoted fan.
Some people watch without knowing much. Some love it but never mention it at work. Others can talk for hours with friends. You cannot tell all that by looking at someone.
“I don’t know” can be a question button
“What’s the best part?”
“How did you get into it?”
“What should a beginner watch first?”
You do not have to pretend you know everything to give someone room to talk about what they love. Huang and colleagues found that asking questions, especially following up on what someone had just said, was associated with being liked more.[6] A 2025 correction retained the main conclusions.[7]
Not knowing can be a reason to stop—or something you can ask about. That empty slot has a use.
The next conversation does not have to start from zero
Imagine knowing nothing about MMA. One person tells you about UFC, weight classes and fighters. With the next, you can ask, “Someone told me about UFC weight classes. What is different about watching it compared with boxing?” You have never entered a ring, but you have a little more to work with.
Think of it as 0→5→12→20 experience points, not a research measurement. Research on curiosity has also connected seeking what is interesting about someone and encouraging them to share with closeness in new relationships.[8] Knowing helps you talk. Talking helps you learn something for next time.
A shared interest is a save point, not a prison
A 2024 Nature Communications study compared conversations between 30 pairs of friends and 30 pairs of strangers. Strangers tended to find common ground; friends explored more varied topics. Among strangers, conversations that explored new topics also tended to be rated as more enjoyable.[9]
Once you know you both like manga, you do not have to talk about manga forever. A shared interest is a save point, not a prison. You can head for another map.
Different hobbies can still feel familiar
“When I hike, I like the scenery along the way more than reaching the top.”
“That sounds like me travelling. Sometimes I enjoy the journey more than the destination.”
Different activities, but something familiar in why they enjoy them.
In a study of first meetings, taking turns talking about yourselves produced more liking, closeness and enjoyment than one person talking at length.[10] Another study connected closeness with feeling understood and cared for, not simply with how much someone said.[11]
Only asking questions becomes an interrogation. Only talking about yourself becomes a one-person TED Talk. Listen, react, add a little of your own related experience, then pass the ball back.
A story you heard can be a bridge too
“I’ve never hiked, but someone told me the descent is harder on their knees. Is that true for you?”
Keep it as something someone told you, not your own experience or a scientific rule. If they say “It depends on the route” or “For me, climbing is harder,” you learn another version. Deliver a conversation topic, not a rumour.
A story from one hobby can travel to another
You hear stories from an anime fan, a hiker and a car enthusiast. Later, one of them gives you a way to tell someone else, “A person in a completely different field said something similar.”
Burt studied people who connect groups that do not usually connect with each other. That position can expose them to different ways of thinking and useful new ideas.[12] Other research links personal relationships with cultural tastes.[3]
You do not have to take up everyone’s hobby. Something interesting you heard can become material for your next conversation.
“They won’t understand” can leave you with less to say
Assume they will not understand, so say nothing. You get no response, find no shared interest and hear nothing new. Next time, you still have little to bring up.
McPherson and colleagues reviewed how connecting mainly with similar people can narrow the information and interactions we encounter.[13]
A close group with a deep shared interest is not the problem. The waste is a compatibility test in your head rejecting devices that could have connected.
Try 4 small moves, not 100 hobbies
First, ask lightly: “Watching anything lately?” or “What do you do on days off?” Second, ask about what you do not know: “What makes that fun?” Third, if the activity differs, respond to a familiar reason for liking it or a familiar difficulty. Fourth, if you repeat someone’s story, keep “Someone told me…” attached.
Those 4 moves do not require taking up 100 hobbies before you begin.
A deep interest is valuable too
These studies do not prove that otaku are poor conversationalists because their interests are narrow. Knowing a little about lots of things is not always better than knowing one thing deeply. Talking with someone who loves the same work can be great.
Everyone need not become outgoing. But if you want to talk, “I don’t know about that” or “They probably don’t know” need not close the door.
Every conversation can give you a little more for the next one
Ask about something unfamiliar. Remember one thing. Tell someone else, “I heard this the other day.” Get a correction or an extra detail, and know a little more.
Your conversation range is not a fixed stat. You gain experience by using it.
If you share an interest, start there. If you do not, “What’s that?” is still an opening. You never needed every topic installed in advance. Humans apparently come with expansion packs.
References (13)
- SSJDA (2021) — Talking about hobbies. ; https://ssjda.iss.u-tokyo.ac.jp/Direct/gaiyo.php?eid=1487&lang=jpn doi.org
- Peterson & Kern (1996) — Cultural tastes doi.org
- Lizardo (2006) — Tastes and relationships doi.org
- LINE Research (2026) — Anime viewing frequency note.com
- Yano (2025) — Estimated otaku population yano.co.jp
- Huang et al. (2017) — Questions and liking doi.org
- Huang et al. (2025) — Correction to the question study doi.org
- Kashdan et al. (2011) — Curiosity and closeness doi.org
- Speer et al. (2024) — Friends and strangers in conversation doi.org
- Sprecher et al. (2013) — Taking turns talking about yourselves doi.org
- Laurenceau et al. (1998) — Feeling understood and closeness doi.org
- Burt (2004) — People connecting groups doi.org
- McPherson et al. (2001) — Connections between similar people doi.org
